Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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