in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
