Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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