My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
