Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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