I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
