Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
