Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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