I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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