I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
