Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
