I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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