Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
