He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
