Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
