You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
