Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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