I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
