My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
