She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
