Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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