I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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