Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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