He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize