just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
