Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
