Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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