i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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