Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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