He is such a slut. More and more my type.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
