I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
