I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
