My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
