I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize