I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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