did you get engaged???
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
