I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Houston, we have a blender
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
