Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
