thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
