I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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