hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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