I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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