the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
