she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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