is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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