i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
