You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
