I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
