I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
