Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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