he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
