How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
