I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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