Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
