I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
