She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
