she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
