Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Randomize