is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize