She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
