k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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