i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
