Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
