It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
