Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
