burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
