Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
