Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
