This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
