I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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